I am 41 years old. I began smoking pot when I was 15 yrs old. I also drank .My Dad was an alcoholic. I smoked pot up until age 17 and then I discovered cocaine.  I wanted to become a topless dancer & went to the local topless club entering a contest. I chose the stage name ''Destiny'' and began what would become a 10 year career as a topless dancer. Soon after this, another girl who was using a lot of cocaine and I moved into a house together. We started using the drug called ''X''. It started out w/ one pill a day and at the end of the year I was taking approx 4 to 6 pills a day. At about age 20 I decided to move back to L.A., where I drifted from one strange man to another ,so that I would have somewhere to live. I started working at a club as a dancer & I became very popular. I started to view myself as having to be the best and the one who makes the most money. Someone told me about a new drug, METH, that not only would I have energy galore but I would be able to maintain and have total control over my weight. So, I started using meth. I started to wonder why it was that I felt so tired after using it for a few days and when I didnt use it I could hardly get out of bed. So I escalated the use . I worked at this club for a total of 7 or 8 years. 

       This life style continued for years . I was snorting and smoking a lot of meth every single day and I mainly stayed w/ this drug but every so often I'd get drunk. So I did the next best thing that every good dancer does...I got myself a '' sugar daddy''. This man really did try to help me. See, during my second year as a dancer , I was a victim of a violent crime. The person who did what he did to me went to the DOC for 22 yrs. After this my drug addiction went off the charts. I self medicated and over medicated w/ meth.  I remained in California until the age of about 28 then I returned to Az...in total disgrace. I was starting to have very strange things happen to me that frightened me so much( I was experiencing things like nightmares, an inability to to awaken once I fell to sleep, & out of body experiences of the negitive kind ). In Az. I stayed clean from meth for about 6 to 7 months but started working in a bar as a bartender and found meth was rampant here as well. I picked up where I left off in my addiction. When I turned 30 I became pregnant and I had just recently lost my Dad, leaving me unable to handle both. I attempted to kill myself and landed myself into a psyc-ward. Then I had my daughter. While I was pregnant I did not use, and for 7 months thereafter didnt use as I was breastfeeding. Then I started using again, & my addiction picked up where it took off.  I moved out of my mums home w/ my little girl and into a house of my dreams thanks to the City of Phx' housing program. We lived there for approx 5 years. I had joint custody. While living in this house  I was selling meth and using meth and by the latter part of the 5 years spent there I began injecting meth. Because of being ripped off by so many, I was introduced to the prison gang AB. I would in the end become one of the most notorius gang members wife to be. My relationship with this man was one filled destruction and grief. I started to steal and to commit crimes in order to not only support my huge drug habit,  but his as well. I lost the house, my car, most of my belongings, and I was in a lot of trouble w/ the police and courts. My daughter's father filed an emergency sole custody motion....and he was granted the motion. I drifted back and forth from mums home, friends homes, hotels, motels,  the streets,and worse yet, in and out of the county jail. During one of the last times I was in jail I had been placed there for a drug charge and credit card theft. I remember this particular time in jail, a cold, bright,loud, and disgusting cell that a MIRACLE took place. My Miracle. I had a habit of about $ 300 to 400 dollars a day at this point. I had been in jail for what I think was approx 2 days & I started to become extremely depressed.I had already tried to kill myself several times. Finally I knew I couldnt even kill myself .My life had become...nothing. Nobody wanted me, I've lost everyone and everything. I recall the cell filled w/ women & they were staring at me as I was laying in a fetal position on the hard cold cement floor sobbing and sobbing. I was rocking back and forth on the floor w/ my hands tucked between my legs for relief from this pain. The intense  thoughts kept coming at me in such deep waves. "Your a loser, nobody wants you,you have lost everything and everyone, you cant even kill yourself right, you will die, you are hated, you are worthless, die , die, die''. These words accompained the pains of withdrawl from meth. 

             As I laid there crying and rocking myself back and forth I began to speak out loud. I started to beg. I said, '' If there is a GOD out there PLEASE TAKE THIS PAIN FROM ME''!!  I was crying so hard that sometimes nothing would come out of my mouth. Then when it did come out it was so pityful that it even scared me. Suddendly I felt something strange. I felt something warm filling my feet at the same time, from the inside out. I felt this warmth travel up my feet and into my ankles, and I was still crying but as this was happening I would hold my breath.Then slowly the warmth eased it's way into my stomach and it was at this point that all the pain I had been experiencing was leaving my body.  Somewhere between my stomach and my chest I began to say out loud, '' THANK YOU JESUS, THANK YOU JESUS''. This warmth followed all the way up over the entire part of my body and onto my face. I fell asleep. Its important to mention to you that I never believed in the Lord. Its equally important to tell you that  I have been clean from meth...DELIVERED, for 2 years and 3 months now. The Lord Jesus Christ gave me something that I did not deserve . He has found favor with me . My life today is a testimony to His glory, mercy, love, friendship, & unimaginable care. I dont understand why He saved me not only from a horrifing addiction but from hell. I know  He loves me. If there is anyone out there who is reading this  ( women), and think your life is over, who think theres no way out, who has given up...LOOK UP. GOD  Almighty is looking right back at you...waiting for you to surrender. I did......and now I am His. My life because of Jesus has become a life that I never thought possible. I'm not perfect and I'm still learning...but the huge difference is ....I'M NOT ALONE. I know who saved my life...I know who loves me....and I love HIM so much that ...today, HE is all I need.

 

Thank you

                                                                                                           Tracy