Twenty-two years ago, I attempted to end my life in the midst of a horrible separation that led to divorce. I stood on a ladder in my garage and jumped. With tears streaming down my face, and my world seemingly coming to an end, I took what I thought was my last step off of that ladder. Somehow the rope lengthened and my feet hit the floor. I was now enraged with disgust for myself because I could not even commit suicide right. I was wealthy and had all the toys anyone could want, but my wife had been my world and all the work, that I had done, was for US. Then she had left, and I was alone. Determined to finish the job, I shortened the rope enough to where I had to stand on the top of the ladder and stretch my neck to put my head in the slip knot I had made. Again I jumped and hit the floor with a loud thump as this rope stretched. I was dejected but determined end my life. I went into my home and pulled a lamp off of the table, cut the wire cord and headed for the garage. I made another slip knot in this wire cord and attached it to the very top header in the garage. I measured the distance from the slip knot to the floor and it was well over 10 feet, I had more than 4 feet to spare. I got back up on the ladder. Knowing this was it, I didn’t hesitate and jumped! Again my feet hit the floor. This should not have happened. The last attempt was calculated and sure but the wire cord stretched and I was still alive.

After the third attempt, there was a knock at my front door. I had made noise by pulling the lamp off of the table and I broke a glass curio shelf filled with German-made Hummels. The neighbors had called the sheriffs and they came to my door. As I was explaining to them what had happened and they saw the debris, another miracle occurred. My three brothers and one sister walked into the house for a visit. They had been praying for me and decided to visit. The timing was perfect because the sheriffs were about to take me to a secure place. They allowed me to go and stay with my older brother. What happened that day is my MIRACLE. The following Sunday, I said yes to the Lord at the Magnolia Park United Methodist Church in Burbank. My Brother, Sister, Mother attended that church and they were praying for me.

Times got better, but the emptiness that I felt remained. I began to read the Word of God. The day I was saved, Pastor Jim Roan led me through the sinner’s prayer. As he and I prayed, a man stood behind me and prayed, “Lord, I pray that Bill will have an unquenchable thirst for the Word of God.” God answered that prayer immediately as I was unable to put the Word down. I would sleep with it and fall asleep reading. I would awake at night and begin reading until I fell asleep again. For months the Bible was stuck to my hand. I decided to make another attempt at suicide. I was hearing God, but I was also being led to end it by my own despair and heartache. The battle was raging for me and my final attempt to end it was in my brother’s garage. My mind was hearing God but my flesh was crying loud for retribution with an “I will show her” mixed­up bag of thoughts. I went to the garage and took another rope and ladder. I stood on the top of the ladder ready to jump when my oldest brother, Don came into his garage. He looked at me as I stood on the ladder. “Bill what are you doing? Don’t you know that God has more for you? If that is what you want to do, do it.” He turned and left. I pulled the rope from my neck and got down from the ladder. I went into the house and slept undisturbed for the first time in months. Something happened when I was on that ladder. After Don spoke and left, a great peace came over me and I knew within my heart that I was going to be OK. Peace from God shatters all turmoil, stress and strife. It was an amazing event in my life and I knew Jesus and His Holy Spirit was with me in the worst of times. I was called by God and it was prophesied that I would be a leader of people and an evangelist on the day that I had said yes to the Lord. It did not mean much to me at that time. I did my own thing for 4 more years and suffered as I lived life on a 90-10 basis. 90% for God and 10% as I wanted. God wanted all of me. I resisted and paid the price with failed marriages because that 10% spoke loud whenever I wanted it. I am blessed today as never before. God was steadfast and loving even when I was not. I am so proud of my life with Jesus. It takes precedence over every other relationship I have, including my wife whom I love so dearly and thank God for every day. God is awesome and we do not deserve all that He has for us. He deserves all of us for His Glory.

Pastor Bill