I NEVER WANTED TO BE A COCAINE ADDICT

I was born in 1965 & grew up in a small town north of Chicago.  My parents made sure that my brothers and I went to church and Sunday school every week.  Like many teenagers, I started rebelling against my parents and against God.  I went through the same motions every week at church; stand, sit, kneel, stand, sit, kneel, fall asleep during the sermon, and run out the back door right after communion.  I felt like a hypocrite because I knew that for the next 6 days I was going to be drinking and looking for sex. By the time I graduated high school, I was an alcoholic.  I thought it was normal to drink every night because all of my friends did.  However, I never thought I would become a cocaine dealer.

I was working full-time and going to school full-time.  Partying was also a full-time activity of mine.  Every night after work, I would go to the bars to drink, shoot pool, and find someone to sleep with.  I was trying to fill the void in my life.  I knew that there was something missing but what? One evening in May of 1985, I stopped to see a drinking buddy of mine.  He introduced me to cocaine.  I swore to myself that I would never touch the stuff, but after a few drinks and seeing my friends doing cocaine, I thought, “why not?”  I loved it!  I thought that I had finally found what I was looking for to fill the void in my life.  I got addicted after just one line of cocaine. In the fall of 1985, I was dealing cocaine to support my habit.  Before my introduction to cocaine, I had money saved in the bank.  I had credit cards and a good credit rating.  I was working a good full-time job and in addition going to college full-time and driving the hottest car on campus.  Life seemed great. That didn’t last long.

Because of the alcohol and drugs, I almost died a few times.  I was driving back to Wisconsin when my heart started hurting real bad.  It was not beating properly.  I pulled over to the side of the road because I knew I was about to die, but God healed my heart.  It was a miracle, but I still could not stop doing cocaine.  Another time I was in a high-speed chase with the police.  I lost control of my Firebird and went off the road at 70mph.  I screamed out to the Lord for help and I just missed a utility pole by inches but slammed into a 6 foot wide oak tree.  My best friend was in the car with me and we both walked away from the accident.  The Lord came to my rescue again, but I still could not get off the drugs.  Then in the Spring of 1987, I got a drunk driving conviction.  I dropped out of college in my senior year.  At this point in my life, I had a cocaine addiction well in excess of $35,000 a year.  I was snorting no less than $100 of cocaine every night. Every night consisted of working until 10 or 11p.m.  Then I would go to the bars until 2 or 3a.m.  Then I would have an after-bar party until 6 or 7a.m.  These would include a lot of alcohol, pot and cocaine.  I lied, cheated and wrote out bad checks to cover other bad checks.  Through all of this, I thought about committing suicide every single night.  My life was a real mess & getting worse. I still could not stop.

In June of 1989, I asked my mother what she wanted for her birthday, even though I was planning my suicide that night.  She asked me to just come to dinner with her and my father.  Even with all I was going through, I still loved my parents even if I did not always show it.  My parents and I went to dinner at a Full Gospel Businessmen’s Fellowship Meeting.  I was thinking, “great,  a bunch of wigged-out holy-rollers.  What did I get myself into?”  I was in a banquet room with approximately 250 people listening to the testimony of the guest speaker.  I recognized him. He was a successful actor & ex pro baseball player who had all the things the world looked up to. His testimony & truth of God’s Word that came forth got me to thinking how I really messed up my life.  His eyes pierced thru me with a compassion  . He surely loved Jesus. This man was sharing how even with all those worldly things he still felt empty until Jesus became Lord of his life.  Then he shared how he gave his life to Jesus and how Jesus filled the void in his life.  Then this man invited anyone who did not know Jesus as their personal Savior to come forward and pray a prayer to ask Jesus into their lives.  That night I went forward.  I felt the release of all the sin in my life and I felt God’s love come upon me so heavily that I wept like a baby.  Jesus showed me that He is real and He filled that void in my life.  Jesus set me free as He sets ALL captives free. I have been delivered from my bondages, P.T.L.

                                                                        Bob