TESTIMONY OF LU ANN

       I didn’t realize what the drugs I was using did to the people I loved until the day I found my twins in the kitchen.  They had poured every single liquid in the refrigerator onto the floor---beer, milk, salad dressing, you name it.  Then they poured I don’t know how many cups of water onto the floor.  I was so hung over that morning I could hardly think.  But for the first time in years I saw my life as it really was.  That’s the day I started to change. Every addict has someone they love.  I loved my twins.  But for years I ignored them.  Even before they were born I hurt them.  I was pregnant for four months before I realized it.  During all that time I was shooting as much coke and heroin as I could.  Now my twins have ADHD.  The doctors tell me it isn’t because of the drugs I took but I don’t believe that.

       I hate so many of my memories!  I remember locking my twins in their car seats a few months after they were born.  They were hungry and crying so I gave them some donuts.  I was so messed up I didn’t even care. All I wanted to do was get high.  I tried not to think about my twins when I got sent back to prison, but every time I looked at a picture of them I felt so sad.  I’d take more drugs to get rid of the pain. Yes, there are a lot of drugs in prison. I couldn’t face the guilt from all the bad choices I’d made. I was so ashamed & ravaged with guilt. It was hard to get out of that cycle.  My Bunkie changed since I came to prison & told me it was Jesus who changed her. She invited me to the chapel service that had a guest speaker that acted in a lot of movies. She said that he preaches in a way that encourages & uses scripture that lifts you up. Out of curiosity I went & my life changed. He did not talk about movies & even though he was attractive, he was a humble & compassionate man. With him, it was all about Jesus. He preached about God’s love & forgiveness, that we were to put shame & guilt back on the cross. He led us all in a prayer to forgive ourselves & gave us scriptures that God doesn’t remember what we did after we repented. I wept & wept. He gave all of us this awesome prayer that dresses us for the daily battles with Satan. I prayed that prayer twice a day adding my twins to it. I remember he said that we were to believe & trust all that God said & not listen to the negative whispers, that God can fix the unfixable. Believe & not doubt.

        When I got paroled, I prayed to get my twins back as they were taken away from me and sent to Colorado with my mom.  I visited them one weekend and they dragged me to church.  Everyone held hands when we said the Lord’s Prayer.  I was fresh out of prison and I felt so much love that I started to cry.  It took a year but He did it. I had to learn to be patient & wait for His timing. There were still times I fought the guilt from all my sins, but Jesus has forgiven me.  Read the book of Romans and you’ll see it too.  I never cared about the people I hurt, but now Jesus has showed me how to bless them and I’m so glad He did. I am so blessed & love my twins more & more each day. He is a God of restoration. What He did for me, He can do for you.